Sarah,
I dedicate this song to you, my homegirl from the north. I'm so glad to know that you can handle the pressure of high office. Take care and please don't bother visiting the lower 48 states ever again.
Love,
Franky
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Ever since Michael Jackson died, this past week has been overly saturated with media coverage of his death. It's been a ridiculous overload to a man that made great music but died molest children. It seems like everybody has overlooked this HUGE story in his life. I've decided to compile my list of the most ridiculously funny and just flat out wrong things that's happened since he died.
Funniest Things That’s Happened Since Michael Jackson Died:
1. Wolf Blizter says he grew up listening to his music.
2. MJ survives just long enough to be recruited by Isiah Thomas for the FIU basketball team. "We feel like we've made ourselves younger and more competitive," Thomas says.
3. Everybody thinks Nell Carter has made a comeback but it turns out its been Janet Jackson all along. No one really bothers to notice this error.
4. Pope Benedict takes a minute from his papal duties to acknowledge Jackson’s death. “Oh, how his music has touched us in so many ways.”
5. Smoke emerges from Neverland Ranch and the paparazzi outside assumes it’s the Jackson family sitting around the fireplace talking about the good old days. It turns it out it’s his army of lawyers throwing back issues Hot Young Men into the smokestack.
6. POV Dead Michael: LA County morgue workers hover over him talking about how great Thriller was when they grew up and how it changed their lives.
7. Dead Michael begins to get use to his new afterlife living in a coffin. He uses this time to make mental lists of every and anything he can think of. First up to bat, he thinks of every shape he has or could have shaped his nose: rectangle, circle, triangle, “wow boy this getting fun,” he mutters to himself.
8. Joe Jackson holds a press conference to talk about his new record label. Al Sharpton stands next to him.
9. Larry King says he met his 3rd wife when Thriller came out.
10. Prince smiles.
11. POV Dead Michael: He’s moved on from shapes and noses to pets he’d had: chimps, dogs, cats, birds, snakes. Oh, no! Don’t say snakes. Snakes are scary!
12. Media coverage all remark how he was in tremendous pain throughout his life from all of the dancing.
13. Lou Ferrigno goes on TV to tell the world he was Michael’s personal trainer. People mutter under their breath that the Hulk was a lousy trainer.
14. Marc Ecko offers to buy one of his noses for $752,467.
15. Michael Jackson’s children are finally exposed for not being his real children once the facial garb has been removed and are forced to dance. It’s apparent they have no genetic similarities at all. They are cut from the will but in an 11th hour effort, are then adopted by Madonna.
16. President Barack Obama moonwalks to the Oval Office every morning as a sign of respect to the King Of Pop. This private matter is more secret than when FDR hid from the American public that he was a cripple.
17. Jesse Jackson uses this time to use a microphone in public. No one bothered to listen.
18. POV of Dead Michael: Humming Thriller theme. That kills 5:57 that is just 3 seconds short of 6 minutes.
19. Bubbles The Chimp is at his animal sanctuary when one of the caretakers comes to break the bad news. Bubbles swings over to his toy chest and pulls out a red leather jacket. He then takes a shit on it then masturbates on it. The workers are concerned.
20. Hugh Jackson is on a talk show and says how much he loved Michael’s music then breaks out into a song and dance. More people are convinced Wolverine is gay.
21. Everybody is eagerly awaiting Tito Jackson’s comeback. It never happens.
22. David Letterman has his nightly Top 10 and makes a joke that A-ROD raped Michael Jackson. Sarah Palin gets upset.
23. Oprah has a special show dedicated to Michael and farts during her opening monologue. She gets embarrassed and says his death has stressed her to start pigging out again. Her fans forgive her.
24. POV Dead Michael: he’s moved to making a list of trees now “Sequoia, birch, maple, willow, palm, oak, pine, fir, maple. No, wait, I said maple already…”
25. Corey Feldman uses the opportunity that has arisen since his dear old friend has died to get on talk shows to plug the direct-to-video sequel of the Lost Boys.
26. People flood the airwaves saying how he lived a troubled life. Pedophiles around the world have now found their Judy Garland.
27. Dr Deepak Chopra says Michael Jackson was his brother. People wonder why he was left out of the Jackson Five.
28. Joe Jackson says he loved his son dearly and it was only tough love that he gave him.
29. The world eagerly awaits to hear from Mackley Culkin hoping that he dishes out some molestation stories or just about anything from their bromance in the early 1990’s. He’s busy scoring Oxicotin in the Midwest to even know his old friend died.
30. Ted Turner chokes on a bison burger when he hears that Wolf Blitzer says he grew up listening to Michael’s music. No one has bought this statement one bit. Then again, no one has bought a Turner bison burger either.
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Friends,
I created a blog (yes, I know I have way too much time on my hands) that is based on my life-long love of TV. The page is a little rough right now but it's coming along. I'll update it often. The focus will be on TV and what I've learned from watching it. All the way from my birth to present day. I know some people will raise their concerns but it's a talent I have to watch TV and break everything down. I wish I could dunk a basketball or build some new technologies that will end pollution, cure cancer, make people smile, make unicorns appear and create jobs but I'm just not either guy. I grew up with satellite TV in the 1980's (it was a total luxury at the time) and not much has changed since. Well, things are HD now which is awesome and MTV used to be great but now sucks.
Anyways, I can carry on this page but what I'm trying to do is send you over to this page:
http://thingsilearnedwatchingtv.blogspot.com/
I hope you enjoy it and please send me your feedback. I'd love to hear what (or whatever) you have to say. Thanks.
All of my sweet loving,
Franky Arriola
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Wow! It’s been an insane week for celebrity deaths. The Internet has been buzzing the past 3 days about the deaths of Ed McMahon, Farah Fawcett and of course the King Of Pop himself, Michael Jackson. I think this year will probably surprise us with a few more surprises. Here’s my top 10 list of upcoming celebrity deaths:
1. Muhammad Ali – He’s in his mid-sixties now and is fighting Parkinson’s disease for the past 20 years and before that was fighting the best era of heavyweight fighters for a long career (those punches add up). It’s any day now that will lose this great man.
2. Kurt Russell – I know have no real reason to include him on this list but I know it would be a huge shock to people if he did die and that’s why I have to put him in here. Consider him the dark horse in this race.
3. Andy Rooney – Fuck he’s old and nobody likes him. It’s any day now.
4. Joy Behar – She’s older and it would be a shock but yet plausible if she went.
5. Lisa Ling’s sister – This chick has been captured in North Korea and has to work in a labor camp. Do you really want to bet against this?
6. Patrick Swayze – He’s had an uphill battle with cancer for the last year. I’d hate to see him go but he looked awful in recent tabloid photos. The odds are against him.
7. Tina Fey – She killed Sarah Palin’s political career with her brilliant SNL impersonation and wouldn’t be surprised if some crazed Alaskan seeks vengeance.
8. Michael Keaton – People haven’t heard from him in a while but would be shocked because it probably would have been a freak accident in his house while trying to fix something. People will talk of the Batman movies and celeb friends would be all over Larry King’s show talking about how great he was and glad that he never went the Christian Bale route with his stupid raspy Batman voice. The Beetlejuice sequel we all wanted will never be made.
9. Steve Jobs – I’d really really really hate to see him go but come on, the people at Apple are doing everything to keep his health top secret. Its any day now. Sorry my fellow Mac lovers.
10. James Earl Jones – The voice of Darth Vader and CNN fame is a solid bet. CNN will change its name to the JEJ News Network for the day and replay his sound bites all week.
Ok, I’m sure the hate mail will swarm in like a tidal wave but people are obsessed with celebrity deaths and the media love saturate it to the point of gluttony. It’s a sickness that we all love to hate.
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While the whole insane world mourns Michael Jackson's death, I'll let Chris Rock speak on my behalf. The guy made great music but he molested kids.
I'll post my blog later about MJ and the whole media circus. In the meantime, enjoy the clip!
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Arizona State University was my dream school as a kid because Playboy ranked it # 1 school for hottest chicks and I've been dreaming of attending that school ever since. I was annoyed to hear that ASU denied President Obama an honorary degree because of right-wing political backlash. I was just watching Bill Maher's show and he nailed it on the head with this quote.
"Obama was speaking at ASU and they denied him an honorary degree, because according to them his body of work is yet to come. This is Arizona State University, the ultimate dumbass party school, the Harvard of the Sonora Desert, you know when strippers say they are working their way thru college? This is the college, you can have a double major in bingeing and purging at this school."
- Bill Maher talking about Obamas' recent visit to ASU and then denying his honorary degree.
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Check out this project my friend Alan Castro is working on. I shot my cameo recently as one of the hitmen. It was a lot of fun.
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This is going to be me in 45 years.
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | M - Th 11p / 10c | |||
| Dirty Bird Special | ||||
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Friends,
I know I spend my days making you laugh with my updates on here, so let me try it a step further by having you coming to see me at a comedy club and do it in person.
I'm back at the Miami Improv this Wednesday night (5/13/09) at 8PM. You're my guest so you'll get in for FREE! As always, you're a VIP because you're my friend. I know it's grand.
Anyways, be there on time so you can get a good seat and not piss off the staff at the Improv because it always helps me out when my peeps get in on time and I look like I have my shit together. I greatly appreciate that and all you do. Thanks.
See you Wednesday!
Franky
May 13th @ 8:00PM
MIAMI IMPROV
Shoppes of Mayfair
3390 Mary Street #182
Miami, FL 33133 USA
+1 (305) 441-8200
www.miamiimprov.com
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